Break the Glass: Chapter 7 (End)

The next day, I wake up and remember what is happening. This will be the last day I will wake up here, I think to myself.

Getting out of bed took too much effort and so I stay in my pajamas. Seriously, who will care? I can tell that Michelle felt the same way. I drag my suitcase downstairs and see Bitch and her family. My parents were talking and smiling with them. What?

“Hi Michelle!” She smiles sweetly. I immediately feel self conscious about what I was wearing. Why am I so lazy? “Mom, Dad, this is the friend I've been telling you about.”

Friend? “Hi Reya,” I mumble. I give a half smile towards her parents. It occurs to me that I don't know their last name. “Nice to see you.” Nice how the last person I am going to see is her.

They start talking again and I focus my attention on the glass, avoiding the Bitch. Michelle seems a lot happier than I was. Good for her.

“Michelle.” I look towards my mother. “Would you like to show Reya Bree dear around the house?”

I was about to protest when Reya says, “Oh, Miss Aurray, that's a wonderful idea. I really need to learn my way around my new home.”

New home?

Then she grabs my arm and drags me out, purposely digging her nails into my skin. I glance at our Bodies. Why do they look like they're having so much fun?

Once we're alone, I break free and massage my arm. It's numb.

“Are you surprised to find out that my family bought your house? Well, actually, we encouraged your parents to sell this house and move. We don't really want to live here, but that's ok.”

What's going on? I am so tired. All I want is to crawl back into bed. “No, not really,” I answer truthfully.

“That's disappointing. I wanted to give you a nice surprise.” She pouts.

“Wait. But why? Why are you here and-”

She cuts me off. “Because I wanted to, you know. I get my way a lot. Don't worry, I'll take care of Darren and make sure people don't miss you too much.”

“Oh, you do that.” I don't want to know what she's planning.

“Yeah. I always keep to my word.”

“That's good.” And it's actually true. My life is pretty miserable right now, isn't it?

The plane ride was pretty miserable too. I don't understand the point of me being there. We can teleport to different mirrors, so why have to get plane sick? I don't know. Nothing makes sense anymore.

There is also nothing for me to do. I sit in my seat, with my iPod on, trying to let the music drown out my thoughts. Of course that doesn't happen. I keep thinking about how I should've said bye to Ashley. Text her, at least. And I should've texted Darren. No, it's better this way. We've all left with happy memories.

I switched to a playlist of instrumentals to calm me down. As I eavesdrop on other people's conversations, I wonder what my new town and new school will be like. Technically, I won't have to make new friends. Michelle can do all the work for me.

Somehow, amidst my worrying and thinking, I fall asleep. The plane ride is too short to have a decent nap, and I wake up wanting to throw up. “Remind me to never go on a plane again,” I say to myself.

Everyone around me is starting to wake up too. I let myself look out the little window thing. If I really have to be on a plane, why can't I at least go somewhere else? Somewhere exotic and really far away? My new home, although in a different state, looks just like my old one. A boring suburb.

I follow my parents off the plane, through all the lines, and into a taxi. I don't talk to them, and they pretend that I don't exist. My mother doesn't look at me, even when I sit next to her in the car.

The rest of the day and the week after that was a daze. I'm not sure what happened. Maybe I went to school, maybe I talked to some people, maybe I didn't make any new friends, maybe they all think I am a weird depressed girl, maybe I gave up on fitting in. Not sure. What I do know is that I didn't unpack. My room still looks like it did the day I moved in; uninviting and cold. The walls and furniture are yellow-white, and in the middle is my pile of boxes. I don't want to take my stuff out. That will make all this permanent, in my mind.

Although, I did take out my laptop. I don't know why.

Then, after another day of going through the motions of living, I hear the sound of my phone ringing. I haven't heard that in such a long time. It's Ashley. Of course it is. Who else would care to call me?

“Hey Ashley.”

“Hi.” She sounds off, and nasally.

“Are you ok?”

“No.”

“Was it Bitch? Did she do something?”

“No.” Now she is on the verge of crying.

“Are you going to tell me?”

“No. I mean yes. I have to, but I can't! I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I don't know why. It was so sudden.” She breaks down. I could hardly understand what she was saying between sobs. “Darren . . .”

“What happened to him?”

“He . . .left.”

“Left. Like, he moved, like me?”

“No! I don't know why he did it!” I don't want to listen to her anymore. This isn't true! Why does she have to tell me this? But she keeps going. “After you left, he seemed fine. But then one day, he didn't come to school. And Tommy was worried. And then the teachers just told us that he committed suicide.”

“No. Stop. Stop talking.”

“I have to tell you. You need to know.”

“No I don't!”

I told him to be happy! He agreed to listen to me! Is this what he meant by leaving me with happy memories? He's left me so many times, but now, he won't ever come back, will he? He didn't want to see me again, so he did this. It must be.

“Michelle.” Ashley's voice brings me back. I'm not the only person he left. “Do you think that his family really just moved, and said this to cover it up?”

I don't say anything. I'm more than willing to believe that. At least, then, there is hope and a chance that I could meet him again. A chance that he's still alive. Some how.

“Ashley, I got to go.” I hang up without waiting to hearing her response. It feels like the world was spinning out of control and I gripped something for support. I don't know what it was, maybe my bed, but it wasn't enough. I slide down, onto the ground.

For a long time, I just sit there, staring blankly into the air. I feel so empty. A part of me just died. Memories of him keep playing. I want them to stop reminding me of the life we've all had before. But, over and over again, I see our first date, our first kiss, his beautiful smile, all the good times. I'm not crying, but I want to. I want to scream at the world and make Darren come back. I want to make everyone pay. But instead, all I can do is sit there. Useless.

Can I just burn this world

and maybe the

problems will fly away.

I'll be able to see through the smoke

eyes stinging

with the light from the fire.

I'll be alone

in the charred ruins

with no worries

and no help.

Everything will be

black with ash

not just myself

with no difference

and no need

to erase the dirtiness.

And I'll finally be able to think

and love myself

with hate.

Another sound makes me snap out of it. I've received a message. I make myself get up and check to see who it was from. If I didn't, I might have stayed there forever and drowned with the thoughts of Darren. It is from Tommy. Can I really survive another conversation about this?

Tommy: Did Ashley tell you?

Me: Yeah

Tommy: Darren really was trying to be happy, like you told him to.

Me: What

Tommy: He said he was going to try and live, because that's what will piss her off.

He stops typing, probably waiting for respond, but I can't. I stare at the screen. Darren didn't want to leave me? That just made everything worse. Tears spill over and plopped onto my laptop. It's going to ruin the laptop, I think to myself.

Tommy: I thought that it must be his Body, but none of us can control that.

Me: What did you mean by “piss her off”

Tommy: He always talked about how he didn't want to break up with you, but he had to, because he was forced to. He never really told me, but from the way he acted with Reya, I guess it has something to do with her.

Me: You have to explain.

Tommy: I can't. All I know is that Darren and Reya's family go way back and their relationship is totally complicated. The thing is her family is really powerful.

Me: I don't get it

Tommy: Me either. Maybe we'll never know.

Me: That bitch caused everything. She killed him. I want her to pay for all this!

Tommy: No. Michelle. You can't think like that.

Me: Of course I can.

Tommy: The only person you can blame is his Body. He was the one who committed suicide and took Darren with.

His Body. Of course. I slump down. We are only Reflections. No matter what, we have no control over our life. People like me, we try to lead ourselves into thinking that we can be ourselves. But having a separate personality and identity isn't enough. In the end, if they wanted to die, we would go too. We can grasp onto every strand of life, but if our Body decided they didn't want life, what can we do?

What was I thinking? Trying to give us hope that we can change everything? I told him to be happy, as if that would do anything. We are the Reflections. Made in the Body's image. We're only an image. We only exist for them. Why didn't I accept this fact before? If I had done everything Michelle did, I won't have to go through all this. I would have forgotten all about Darren. If I didn't try to get him back, maybe Bitch wouldn't get pissed off.

But that wouldn't change the fact that he had to die, just because of who he was. How is this fair?

The glint of a pair of scissors catch my eye. It's laying on the boxes. My mother had hoped I would at least open them.

I take it and finger it. It isn't one of those safety scissors. The blade is sharp. It can probably slice through skin nicely.

What will happen if I cut myself or kill myself? Will I be able to force Michelle into doing so too? I want someone else to understand the pain of being at the mercy and control of a person living in a totally different world. Someone who doesn't even know you exist.

I trace a vein up and down my arm with the scissors. I wonder how Darren's Body forced himself to die.

If I kill myself will I be able to take my Body with me?

It's worth a try.

END

Are we greedy for wanting to live
even though it's impossible?
the others know what is there to have
what is there to be dreamed of
what is out of reach.

But is it bad for us to want?
To show the world that we deserve more?
I can not accept fate
I can not just give in to the fact
that this is my life
without trying to change the rules.
I can not just know my place
and stay in my place
but is that really greed?

Why is it that we are never satisfied
always believing we can have the world
even though it tortures us to know it can not be?
Why does this greed plague us, and only us?