Break the Glass: Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

Nothing much has changed since last time I wrote. My life is still pretty messed up, but now I'm really lonely too. It's winter break and Michelle decided that she (we) should stay home and rot. Ashley is on a cruise, because her Body's family has the time and money to do that. Kathy is practicing, as usual. Have I mentioned before that she's a dancer? Well, she is, and dancing requires a lot of mirror time. I haven't seen her in a long time. I don't think I remember what she looks like. Just kidding. So there's no one I can confide into except this diary.

I'm not sure if I'm avoiding Darren, or he's hiding from me. Maybe it's both. Or we just can't find each other.

I stop writing, because I realize just how much I miss him. So I get up and go to my favorite place: in front of the computer. Technically, it's a laptop. Other people would get their phone and text, but I don't like to. There's no reason. I'm just special.

I open up chat, and stare at the screen. I can't exactly write “Hi. Are you avoiding me? Just wondering, so I can get rid of one of the options.” Although, I wonder how he would respond to that.

Hi. How are you? That sounds too formal. I don't want to act like we're strangers.

Hey, watcha doin? How about no.

Hi. What are you doing? No.

So I settle on “Hey”. I'm not sure if he's even online, because he is almost always on invisible. Then I see on the bottom of the screen that he's typing. That's a good sign, I guess.

Darren: Hi. How's winter break?

That's such an awkward question.

Me: Lonely.

Without you.

Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that. He probably thinks I'm desperate. Can I just tell him that I miss him? Probably not.

Can we meet up somewhere?

I don't know if he misses me too or just wants to give an official break up, but he says yes. Of course it will be at night in the park. Where else? That is literally our park.

I will finally see him again after one week. I can't remember the last time we've been apart for so long. Sad, right?

I can hardly see him in the dark. He is fully clothed in black and blends in perfectly with everything. I immediately think that maybe he got bit by a vampire and that's why we had to break up. It could be true and I won't know any better.

“Look.” Not even a greeting? A simple hi or hello? “Our Bodies broke up. It'll be best if we break up too.”

I didn't know what to say. Everything I wanted to say disappeared. Is this really happening? A simple sentence like that just ended our relationship? I feel so foolish for all the fantasies of him being my true love. I want to slap him for every time he told me he loved me and all the promises he just broke.

“What?” I sputter. I stare at him, but he doesn't meet my eyes. “But, why?” That seems to be the only question I can ask. Why, why, why? Why does this have to happen? What are the stages of loss and grief? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance? I'm definitely going through the first four stages at the same time right now. I'll probably never get to that last one. “We don't have to. We don't have to do whatever our Bodies do!” That's denial for sure. I know it was of no use though. Darren made up his mind, and I can't change anything.

“It'll be best for all of us,” he says. “We're different people.” We are? Since when? It doesn't sound like something he would say. I thought we were together in proving everyone wrong. But I guess not.

After a while, he left. I want to leave before him, so I can feel like I'm the one dumping him, but I couldn't move. Now he's gone, and I just want to curl up into a ball and cry.

Please tell me why

I'm still here.

You've long gone

Your touch fading away.

Why am I waiting?

Do I really think

that you'll turn back?

We've gone from total understanding to the total strangers of today.

I look up and watch

Love walk away.

Some time during the next week, Michelle's parents realize that something happened to her and that their daughter was kind of depressed. They start eating breakfast and lunch and dinner with her. As if that would help. And also, for some stupid reason, there is a giant fancy mirror in the dining room. So I have to talk with my parents way more than I want.

“Michelle,” my mother says as she dumps some scrambled eggs onto my plate. The yellow mess looks like brains and my Body is disgusted too. “Don't feel too bad about dumping that boy. It would've ended sooner or later.” Michelle is still chewing the brains, but I am about to throw up.

“No. He broke up with me.” I feel that I had to clarify that.

My father is enraged. “What? How could he break up with you? Who does he think he is?”

I want to leave, because I know where this will lead to, but Michelle stays glued to the chair. What will happen if I slap both of my parents?

“Mom, Dad, calm down. Please. Darren can break up with whoever he wants, whenever he wants.” Actually, I would rather he doesn't, but he did.

“You want me to calm down?” My mom's voice is high pitched and shrill now. “How will people think of me if they found out that my daughter was dumped by someone from a family like his? I can't believe you're still defending him.”

At that, I am done. Thankfully, so is Michelle. We get up and leave. To be exact, I storm out. I just hope my stupid father won't show up at Darren's house with a shot gun. Or something.

After leaving the room dramatically, Michelle locks herself in her room and goes to take a nap. That means that I get to go back under my rock. I want to have nothing to do with the world, but then Tommy messages me, dragging me back. He hardly ever talks to me, except if it's about Ashley. Or Darren.

Tommy: What happened with Darren?

Me: ?

He better not be asking me about why we broke up, because that's stupid. I'll flip out.

Tommy: He's all depressed.

Well, so am I. Sucks to be him.

Tommy: Are you sure you don't know anything?

Me: Other than the obvious?

Of course he's sad that he broke up with me. Who wouldn't? I'm the best girlfriend. Ha. Ha. I'm funny.

Tommy: Oh Ok.

I swear he's having serious problems, though.

Me: So does everyone.

Tommy: I'm being serious, Michelle.

And I'm not?

Me: K

If I wasn't before, I'm totally done with everything now.

Me: gtg

I log off without caring about Tommy.

I think about chatting Ashley to tell her her boyfriend was being weird. But then I decid against it since I haven't talked to her yet after that one day. Instead, I drift to sleep. Sleep is the only thing I can do at times like this.

I close my eyes

and the problems go away

a temporary escape.

I hide in my dreams

and I want to stay.

But the happiness melts

reality floods back.

The peacefulness is gone

and I'm found, exposed

Back.

I had wanted to take a long nap, but no. Why is it that everything goes against me? I can't even take a nap for as long as I want. Michelle had to decide to go visit Kathy at dance. So I sit through an awkward car ride with Mother (Michelle hasn't gotten her license yet) and then in an uncomfortable chair at Kathy's dance school.

I'm not sure what Kathy is thinking after the last time I talked to her, but I feel kind of bad. During the car ride, I've decided that I should apologize. Except I hardly ever apologize. That's something I just don't do.

On a side note, Kathy's a really good dancer. I wish I can dance. It'll be great if I can have a talent other than being able to feel depressed for amazingly long periods of time. Can someone please cheer me up? Darren's smiling face flashes in my mind. Well, that isn't helping.

Thankfully at that time, the teacher calls a water break and Kathy walks over. She looks sweaty and gross. “Hey Michelle. Why'd you randomly show up?”

“As if I would know.” That is the truth. “You're a good dancer.”

“You're acting like you've never seen me dance before.”

“Oh.” What am I supposed to say now? “Awkward.”

She gives a half smile. “it's not awkward unless you say it is.”

Except now it truly is awkward. We pause, thinking of something to say.

“Sorry I-”

“Sorry.”

It is one of those cliched movie moments where two people speak at the same time after an awkward silence.

She lets me talk. “Sorry about last time. I was being rude, I guess.”

Kathy smiles and says it's ok. Then she apologizes about not telling me earlier, and I accept. Usually in movies, this is where the people make up and act like nothing ever happened. But this isn't a movie. I think about making small talk, but then water break ends. I let out a huge sigh of relief. Trying to think of stuff to say and fake smiling is hard work.

I wonder what our Bodies had been talking about. Their conversation didn't seem half as awkward.

Michelle stays a bit later to keep watching Kathy. I can feel the jealousy. At least we have something in common.