Break the Glass: Chapter 4

Dear Diary,

Last week was the longest week in my life. That doesn't mean that nothing happened though. There was A LOT of drama. Like, more than necessary. First, Darren's ex pushed her way into my life by becoming friends with Kathy. I usually don't see Kathy after school because she has dance practice, but now, I hardly see her in school. She doesn't even sit with me and Ashley at lunch. I wonder how Michelle feels about this stuff. She's probably going through the same shit as me.

What made me really happy though, is today. For some reason, Ashley's Body decided to take Michelle to a carnival/festival thing. It's as if they knew about the problems I've been having and that I deserve a break. So of course Ashley and I went along too. I'm not really sure what it was, but it was fun. I didn't see any bitches at all, and that was great.

The only awkward part was when our Bodies went in the House of Mirrors. That wasn't as fun. Imagine having to be in hundreds of places at once. I once read a book where people were “unwound”. People's body parts were separated, but their souls were still intact, so they could see and feel and be aware of everything. That's how I felt. Whoever invented this House thing better be burning in hell.

Ok. I admit, that was a bit harsh. But it was horrible.

It was even worse than those weird mirror things where us Reflections were stretched and messed up.

Other than those parts, today was the best. Like, seriously the best day I've had in a while. For those couple of hours, I forgot all about my messed up love life. I wish it could last longer, but no, our Bodies have school the next day and had to go home.

I hope this happiness can last me through the next week of drama. If anything else happens, I will come back to this diary to whine and rant and vent.

I seriously love my diary. It's the only thing I can pour my feelings into that won't judge me. Ashley probably won't judge me either, but she'll get tired of listening to me whine someday.

With that said, I went to school with Michelle on Monday full of happiness and positivity. It didn't last long. As soon as we reached our usual bathroom, Ashley came running at me.

“Oh my god, Michelle! You totally just missed out on the biggest fight ever!” Then she starts panting. I guess running and yelling makes you out of breath.

“Wait. What?”

“Darren and the girl you hate just had a really big fight.” She seems a bit calmer now. “I heard her tell Darren that she's going to make his life miserable.”

“Is that the only threat she knows?” I can't believe I missed out on that fight. For some reason, it didn't make me feel better. If she dares do anything to Darren, I will flip out.

“Yeah, probably,” replies Ashley. “What do you think they were arguing about?”

“I don't know. Hey, maybe you should ask Kathy.” Thinking of her made me uncomfortable.

“Or maybe you can ask her yourself. It'll be a great opportunity to be friends with her again.”

I roll my eyes. “How about no.”

“Come on Michelle.”

“No.”

“You can't just ignore her for the rest of your life.”

“Or you can ask Tommy. You know, because he's best friends with Darren and such? Yeah?”

Ashley looks at me, considering that. “Ok. Fine.”

“Yay! You're the best!”

“I'll tell you if he knows anything at lunch.”

“I can't wait.”

I spend the classes before lunch wandering around. I don't want to admit it, but I hoped that I will run into Darren by doing so. I can imagine our encounter. I would make it obvious that I miss him. Then he'll realize that he still loves me. He'll kiss me and we'll get back together, and everything will be good.

All that thinking and wandering was unnecessary though, because I didn't see Darren anywhere. I am slightly disappointed and then realize I also am really depressed. It is different from the other mood swings I've had these days. Michelle probably just got her period, I decide. Yay.

But now she's going to lunch, so it'll be all good now, because I'll get to know why Bitch and Darren got into such a big fight. I hurry towards the cafeteria and notice the shiny water bottle at the lunch table. I remember thinking it's stupid, but now I'm totally thankful for it.

Ashley took forever to get to the table. She was doing it on purpose. Maybe.

As soon as she sits down, I pounce on her. “So? What did Tommy say?”

She sighs. “He was being stupid and didn't tell me much. He thinks that Darren is having problems with his Body, though.”

That didn't clarify much, but Body problems are the worst. I get one of those period cramps at that moment, to emphasize my point. I must seem like I am in a lot of pain, because Ashley looks concerned. “Are you ok?”

“On my period. Does that mean I'm ok?”

“Woah! I'm on my period too!”

“Really?”

“No. But I thought you would feel better if you weren't the only one on her period.”

Why is this girl my friend? “Ok. So, Darren is ok, except for not agreeing with his Body about stuff?”

“Yeah, something like that, I guess. And it definitely has something to do with his ex showing up.”

“You know, I'm totally glad I didn't have sex with Darren or anything like that. I don't want any Bitch STD's in me.

Ashley looks at me like I'm crazy. I probably am. “Umm . . .what?”

“It's my period.” That's what you do. You blame everything on your period.

That is the perfect chance for Ashley to change the topic. “Ok, Michelle, whatever. I need help with chem. I don't get this stoich-ing thing at all!”

As if I'm a chemistry genius. “Is that a new word? Stoich-ing?”

“Yeah, I made it up. Now help me.”

I obediently start digging through my many folders for the chemistry packet. When I finally find it, I hand it to Ashley, but someone else takes it.

“Ash, you know Michelle sucks at chem, especially stoichiometry. I can help you if you want.” I look up at the voice's owner, and I sigh. It's Kathy. That probably means that Bitch isn't far away. True enough, there she is. To be polite, I say, “Hi Kathy and Reya Bree.” I was very, very close to calling her “Bitch”. Somehow I caught myself. I don't know how.

She is all nice too. “Michelle, you look so cute today!” Her fake sweet voice reminds me of badly flavored medicine. It made me want to throw up. I suddenly realize that my plaid sweatpants didn't match my shirt at all. Then I look at Bitch.

She's wearing the typical outfit that “popular” girls wear to seem like they don't try, but they do. An unnecessarily tight shirt, sweatpants with “Love Pink” down the leg, stuffed into Ugg boots. And her face and hair? No-make-up make up and a perfectly messy messy bun. “Thanks Reya. You look cute too.”

“Are you kidding? I look like total crap today.” Well, if she says so, I should just agree with her. “And I feel like crap too.” She stares at me, as if I should understand why.

“Why? What happened?” That was Ashley.

“Ugh. Don't even remind me.” I think about pointing out that she was the one who brought it up. “It's my ex. He still, and I repeat, still, not over me, even though he already had another girlfriend. She probably wasn't enough to make him forget about me. Or maybe her boringness just made him miss me even more.”

Another glance at me. “Anyways, he keeps talking to me, and it's so irritating. Like seriously. He's keeping me from meeting other guys.” She rolled her eyes.

“I'm so sorry about that,” I say. Sorry my ass. How can she talk about Darren and me like that? That bitch! I wish there's a way to let her feel the wrath of my rage, but that's probably just what she wants.

Now we stare at each other. I try strangling her in my mind.

“Umm . . .Kathy? Can I have Michelle's chem back? Please?” Thank you Ashley for saying something.

Kathy gives my homework back to Ashley and they leave. I look over to Ash, but she was pretending to be studious and totally into balancing equations.

My life used to be normal. I did my job as a Reflection really well and the only problems I've had were when Michelle got emotional. Now, my own days and thoughts are full of stupid drama and I'm the one who's stressed. A couple of weeks ago, I still had a boyfriend and a friend. And this Reya Bitch? Never heard of her.

I need another break, but the weekend is so far away. The end of the school day can't come fast enough either. I would close my eyes and float away to a better place for an hour, and Michelle would still be in the same class, doing the same thing. I am about to go crazy. Quite literally.

No one can understand how happy I was when Michelle finally got on the bus, except Darren was there too. He hasn't been on the bus in a while, and I almost forgot he should be there. He acted as if I didn't exist, but I was content with just staring at him. I feel a little proud that someone that hot dated me, even if he dumped me. Why don't I hate him? Or feel pissed at him?

I feel a poke and tear my gaze away from Darren. It's Adel. “Hi Michelle!” she says happily. Sometimes I get a little jealous. How can she be so happy all the time?

“Hi Adel! Why are you on my bus today?” She points to the guy sitting next to her.

“I'm going over to Jerome's house to work on a project!” She smiles at him and he blushes. How cute. I act like I totally knew who Jerome is before this.

“Oh, that's nice.” I smile at her too, and then look out the window, hoping she will get the clue that I don't want to talk to her. Of course, she doesn't.

“Yeah I guess, because Jerome's awesome.” He blushes again. That amuses me. “What sucks is that Reya Bree couldn't come today. She's in our group too.”

“Oh, really?” Bitch again? She's literally everywhere. I desperately try to think of something to say when the bus gets to Darren's stop. He gets up to leave, and I could be imagining it, but he glances at me. I get up to leave too, without caring about my Body and what I was going to do in Darren's neighborhood.

“Got to go Adel. Bye! And, bye Jerome!”

For a while, I walk behind Darren. I didn't really have the courage to talk to him. And his neighborhood is still uninviting, maybe more than before. Why am I here?

I take a deep breath, to calm myself. “Darren.”

He stops abruptly, as if I scared him. Turning around, he asks, “You're following me?”

Thanks for making me seem like a desperate stalker.

“Umm. . .Yeah, I guess.”

“Why?” He asks that in such a way, that it made me shiver. I was scared for some reason. He sounds so cold and empty. This is not the Darren that I loved. Instead it's some guy that hates the world and has given up on everything.

“Why not? People's been telling me you're having problems.” A semi-deep breath. “I'm worried.” I don't want him to tell me that I have no right to worry over him.

“Why are you worried about me?” I guess mentally hoping something doesn't make it come true.

“Because I just am! I want to know about your problems. I want to help fix them!So can you please tell me what's going on? Please? I seriously do care.” He turns away from me and I'm scared he will walk away, but he doesn't.

“Come on. We broke up. Why do you have to still be here?” Now he is pleading with me. I want to run up and hug him.

“Because. . .because. . .” I trail off. Because of what?

“Our Bodies broke up,” he say. I have a moment of deja vu, back to when we first broke up. I'm pretty sure he said those exact words before. “We're their Reflections.”

“So?” This is an argument I have a lot. “I'm me. You're you. We're our own person with our own identity. We don't have to do every single thing our Bodies do!”

“The job of a Reflection is to be a reflection. That's it. Everyone knows that, and accepts that.” No. Why is he saying this?

“But I don't! The fact that we can talk right now when our Bodies aren't proves that we aren't just a reflection.” I am close to yelling. A squirrel, in the process of darting across the street stops and stares at me. Then it runs off and I look back to Darren. I wish I can see his reactions to all this. Why won't he turn around and face me?

“Yeah, but guess what? When a Body dies, the Reflection does too. It doesn't matter if they want to or not. You can lie to yourself into thinking that you can be separate, but you know you can't. It's better to accept this now, than to be slapped in the face with reality when you can't decide anything for yourself.” With that, he walks away down the street, leaving me once again. I stare at his back. Is this how all our conversations will end now? Him turning his back and abandoning me? I can't process anything that just happened.

I see a squirrel on the side of the road. Maybe it's the same one, who decided to stay and watch me suffer. Maybe it's a spy, sent by Bitch to laugh at me.

Time to go home, I guess. There's nothing in this neighborhood for me.